Starting Out: An Introduction

Hello, dear reader.  I'm glad you've dropped by.  So, let me tell you a little about me.  I'm almost 45 years old.  I live at home with my parents.  I work for a store, and I'm fat.  Yes, I know that we are now in a society where we are supposed to love our bodies, and I know that the term fat is often derogatory and not at all politically correct.   The medical term for my weight is morbidly obese.  No thank you.  I'll just stick with fat.

As far as loving my body goes, how am I really supposed to love something that causes me so much pain.  Every step I take is excruciating.  My knees hurt.  My feet hurt.  My hips hurt.  Everything I do hurts.  If you think about it, I am carrying around an extra person with me in everything I do....everywhere I go.  People look at me because I don't necessarily walk as fast as everyone else.  Well, let me tell you this, why don't you try grabbing the person nearest you and carrying them around with you and see if you can walk as fast as me!  And sitting or laying down doesn't really help because the person I'm carrying around with me is always with me, and that extra weight is sitting or laying on top of me....constantly.  There are days after work that I look at the step into my car and I don't know how I'm going to lift my foot that high to get in.  I drive a Ford Focus, so it's not really a big step either.

I think though that loving my body is not really as important as loving myself.  I thought I loved myself, and I certainly tell others that I love myself.  Truly, I love myself more than I used to.  I've made progress, but I've been thinking about it.  If I really loved myself as much as I say I do, would I have allowed myself to get to the point where I am considered morbidly obese and stay there?  I have to say no, but I want to get to the point where I do love myself that much, and that it what this journey of mine is really about.  Learning to love myself.  I've made mistakes in my life, but I don't have to continue to allow those mistakes to define me.  I am a good person, and I have a lot to offer.  I deserve to have good things in my life.  I just have to allow myself to really believe it.

I'm writing this blog to document the changes in my life....to keep myself honest with myself....to be accountable to others....to hopefully be able to help someone else.  I want to tell you that I will post every day, but I'm trying to be honest.  Hopefully, I'll post once a week or so.  Until next time, be good to yourselves.

Genea